Session Number 36
by thegeekylatina
Summary: In one of the last sessions Dr. Hill has with Josh, things get heated and a hint of terrible things to come shows up.


Alan eyes fixed on the cougar on top of his desk. He tried to concentrate on the dark wood in front of him, but the silence was becoming annoying.

Josh sat silently on the couch in the corner, just staring to the ground, not even looking at the patterns he had gave him previously.

\- Josh, son- Dr. Hill said softly, trying to take him out of that trance.

The boy didn't listened to him, he seemed to be concentrated in making a hole through the floor with his eyes. Even so, Alan could see in a way that the pain that had previously haunted him, had disappeared behind his gaze into the darkness of something much scarier.

\- Josh!- he shouted, making him at last react. But is was only a subtle reaction.

\- Games- Josh mumbled softly.

\- What did you said?- Alan asked.

Finally Josh lift his face and grinned - Nothing. I was just thinking about...a game-

\- A game?- Alan frowned confused, but interested. He put his notebook on his desk and left his pencil on top of the paper.

\- Yeah, just something I've been thinking lately. Something to take me off my mind for a bit- Josh flipped through the patterns given by Dr. Hill uninterested.

Later he just left them next to him in the couch.

\- Did you finish the patterns?- Alan asked the young man, trying to stay on the path.

\- Oh, yeah- Josh said - I don't know what they mean..to me..I'm not very focused today...it seems-

Alan nodded and stood up from his chair.

He walked towards josh and gently took the patterns from the couch.

As he put them in the correct order again, standing up in front of josh, he asked, smiling kindly - Could you tell me about this...game of yours?-

Josh then did something the doctor didn't thought he could do anymore, not after what happened. Josh smiled, wide.

\- Sure. Sit next to me and I'll tell you-

Alan walked towards his desk and placed the patterns on top of it. Then, he turned to josh and walked towards the couch, finally sitting at josh left.

\- So Josh, what are this games you think about?- He asked, placing his hands above his legs, more like a friend than a psychiatrist. He knew that the boy wouldn't tell him if he keep resembling something as cold as a doctor. Sometimes it was easy to get into josh's mind. Sometimes it was a miracle he even looked at him during sessions, less talk to him at all.

\- What if...-Josh smiled looking at the man. - Yes?- the man asked.

\- What if you could do something to improve the past- He said. That made the doctor sigh and move uncomfortable.

\- Josh, you know you can't do that- He said - We have talked about this many times-

\- Not by going back, no. I'm not talking about that- Josh looked upset. He had been told thousands of times before he couldn't change the past. Alan was worried he was returning to that again.

\- Oh, well...I'm sorry. Go on- Alan said softly, looking apologetic.

\- I mean, change the future, to make the past more bearable- Josh smiled again.

The doctor seemed interested in the topic. How, would this young man going to change his situation to improve the fact that his sisters were dead?

-Okay...- Dr. Hill nodded.- How did you planned to do that, Josh?-

\- Games!- Josh laugh.

Alan seemed confused but amazed at this reaction- What kind of games?- he asked.

 _What kind of games indeed?_

\- Mind games!- Josh said, smiling and waving his hands around.

That made the doctor worried again. Was the darkness just depression, like last time? Or was it something else? - But you don't need mind games, Josh. You come here to clear your mind, not make it more cloudy-.

\- Not me, silly!- He laughed, shaking his head- I'm not going to have to deal with them!-.

The doctor frown deepen - Then who will?- He asked.

\- Other people- Josh said - The people that should deal with them-

Alan shook his head - I'm sorry, Josh- I don't follow. What are you talking about?-

Then suddenly, Josh stopped smiling and his face contorted into a sour grin.

-You don't get it, don't you? You never get it. I'm trying to move on from this and you can't help me!- He suddenly shouted.

Alan put his arms around Josh while holding his arm softly. That made him closer to the young man, which made him feel instantly uncomfortable. Josh's sudden angry breathing clashed with his skin and he could feel him shake under his fake cool exterior.

\- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm trying to understand, Josh. I am. But this seems too strange for me. I need more information about this plan of your...involving games with people I don't know-.

\- You do know them- He suddenly said, his face close to the psychiatrist's.

\- No, I don't- The doctor shook his head again, gently, trying to seem calm, although he felt more and more discomfort.

\- They are my friends...they were my friends- The young man said - I don't think they are anymore- he gave a pained smile.

\- What kind of games do you want to make your friend to be involved with? What kind of mind games?

\- Charades?- Josh suddenly said, trying not to laugh.

In this mix of emotion, Alan tried to stay cool and collected, but it seemed that his patient was not alright.

\- Josh- He said - Please tell me...what kind of games-

\- i can't...- Then Josh replied, grinning like an angry child - You'll yell at me-

\- How could i yell at you?- Alan said, not understanding Josh's logic- Why would i? I'm trying to help you.

\- Because...- Josh said, just looking at him, not saying anything else. Like the doctor would have to understand what he meant.

Alan look into the boy's eyes and tried to decode the message. What was he trying to said to him. WHAT kind of games was he planning for his friends... his friends, who were not his friends anymore...the kids...in the lodge?

Suddenly, a dark cloud set in the man's mind.

\- You are not going to hurt them, are you?- he asked, scared.

\- No- Josh said too quickly for the doctor's comfort.

\- Josh- the man said, with a hard voice - Josh, don't try to lie to me-.

The young man shook his head and hid it between his hands.

\- Josh, come one, son. Please. I'm trying to help you- Alan pleaded.

The boy's body started to shake. Alan knew what was coming. He had witnessed many times before, specially the first couple of sessions .The crying, oh, the tears. The first times where almost just that.

Bitter tears.

\- How can i forget?- Josh cried - I need to make them see too-.

\- Everybody deals with pain in different ways. They know pain, Josh. Your friends, they do feel it. But that's not why you are here. It's just for you. You are supposed to get better. Not them... Screw them- The doctor said, trying to comfort the boy.

\- They don't know pain- He cried.

\- Yes they do. And you do too. Now we need to make you feel better-

\- How can i feel better if i feel like my life has no way to control it?!- Josh asked in pain and scared.

\- You can control it, Joshua. My boy, you can control your life- Alan tried to smile while he held the boy's face to look at him. Josh tears rolled down his face.

\- I feel nothing inside me anymore- He said - Not even the worst. I feel like a puppet sometimes...empty-.

\- You are not a puppet- Alan said - My boy...-

Suddenly Josh moved his face and then...kissed him.

For a split second, Alan didn't knew what the hell what happening. That, until he felt Josh's tongue trying to get into his mouth.

The man pushed back as much as he could, but Josh kept pushing himself against the man, trying to make the kiss deeper. Dr. Hill for a moment thought of pushing the boy with all his strength, but that would have damage his body and his trusts, which was way worse.

So we stayed there, sweating, waiting for josh to finish the kiss and be done with it.

He felt Josh's tongue enter his mouth and play around. The boy has his eyes closed and looked like he was trying to look for something inside the man. Like he was trying to swallow his soul thought his mouth. Alan felt sorry for the boy and softly held his head to make him more comfortable.

While letting him do it, he started feeling josh's left hand go through the line of his pants, towards his crotch. That feeling made him utterly uncomfortable ...and aroused. The young man's hand softly caressed the fabric against his cock, that suddenly started to bulged, as the blood flowed away from his brain.

The man then, started to push away from the boy, as he didn't wanted him to realize the effect his hand was having on his body. the whole effect this situation was having on his body. This made him part lips with Josh.

The boy softly opened his eyes and smiled again, tears dried at last.

-I want you inside me- Josh purred quietly, looking at the man with almost sleepy eyes. Dr. Hill grinned upset - My boy, I can't give you that-.

-Why not?- asked Josh.

-I'm your doctor, you are my patient. I can do that with you- He said - You understand this?-

-You are not helping me get better. This might make me feel better. I need something in me, even it means its going to be you- Josh said, with hunger in his eyes.

Then Dr. Hill did something he never thought he would in his entire medical career, he lean to kissed his patient on the lips.

Josh's arm went around his neck, while the other was placed firmly on his cock, which was hot and hard. His warm young mouth felt so good, Alan though as he explored it with his tongue.

A bit of embarrassment crossed his face for a moment, while he caressed Josh's youthful hair and felt the strong grip of the young man on his neck. Alan felt all the weight his years had put on him. He felt old and decayed and appalled he was taking pleasure from somebody so young.

But the hunger keep going, which blurred his reasoning. For a moment, he felt he wouldn't be able to stop.

As he set his lips on Josh's neck and heard the young man moan again and again to enter him, between all the lick and kisses. a knock came to his door.

Suddenly, The imbalance between knowing that it was wrong and the pleasure this situation meant began going back to the former and Dr. Hill's apparent hunger started subsiding, as the new feeling of panic appear on scene.

What if the staff entered the office and found him in this compromising position with a patient of very young age? He couldn't let that happen, even when his body just wanted some good old release.

And he couldn't let Josh get to him, he then though.

What f the mind games weren't just for his friends?

What if this was a mind game in itself? Would Josh expose his own vulnerabilities and sacrifice his mental health and body , just to get something different than emptiness?

The sudden realization of his potential manipulation was enough to disconnect him completely from the moment. He too his mouth from josh's neck and and hastily part away from him, almost making him felt to the floor.

Josh looked confused for a mere second, but then his faced changed again and he smiled.

\- What's wrong?- He asked, seemingly naive.

As Alan stood up from the couch and quickly went to his desk, to pick up his notes, he said: - I think you better go, Josh- He looked at the young man and couldn't decipher his emotions. But even if this manipulation had been only in his mind, it was a good thing he had stopped before something else might had happened.

-But we were doing so good, no?- he asked to the psychiatrist.

For a while, silence filled the room as Josh just looked at the man, looking for an answer and Dr. Hill just sat on his desk, writing about this new possible developments.

 _"Probable manipulation and a hint of threat to others if left unchecked"._

Dr. Hill looked at his watch, trying not to make contact with his young patient, and realized, thankfully, the session would be over soon. Just a few more minutes.

-Do you think I'm playing you?- Suddenly Josh asked.

Finally Alan looked at him - I don't know, Josh. I don't know anything when it comes to you, it seems-.

\- I'm not - He said - You are not someone who i would ever played with...never- He added, seeming hurt by the man's words.

Dr. Hill's heart melted as he began feeling sorry for the boy again - Come on, son. Sit here on the chair- he said kindly, indicating the big chair in front of his desk.

Josh moved slowly from the couch to the chair and sat, looking directly into the man's eyes. Alan caringly put his hand on the desk and asked Josh to hold it with his. He did.

\- Josh, I'll always be with you, my boy. Don't be afraid- He started saying - You are not alone in this world, remember that, okay?-

-Okay-

-Even when you are psychically alone, remember, I will always be with you. Remember my voice and my words. Never forget my words-.

-But i want you inside me- Josh moaned, like a wounded animal.

Alan smiled kindly - And I will always be inside you, boy. If you remember my voice, i'll always be in you….there- He said pointing to Josh's head - A kind word in the darkness, keeping the monsters away-.

\- Will you really keep them away?-

\- Of course-

A new knock sounded on the door.

\- Come in- Said Dr. Hill.

A young blonde nurse came in - Dr. Hill, hello- She then looked at Josh - Sorry if I'm interrupting you. I knocked before-.

Alan nodded -Yes, I heard it, what is it, Sarah?-

-Your 12 o'clock appointment was rescheduled and it started 20 minutes ago. I came as soon as I could. I'm so sorry- the young woman said shaking her head - I should have come earlier, but they forgot to tell me-.

The reunion with the head of the hospital and the chief of the department of mental health about budget issues, Alan remembered.

He got up and put his notes on his desk drawer. Even if his session with Josh had been incredibly productive, which he felt it wasn't, this was too much of a serious matter to be taken lightly.

-Josh, i need to go now. I'm so sorry- Alan said, picking his coat from the rack and his suitcase from the floor - I'm needed somewhere else. But we were almost in our deadline anyway, so i hope it doesn't bother you too much-.

-It's alright- Josh smiled standing up. - I need to go home anyways. My mom is picking me up to do some errands with her-.

-It's good you and your mother are spending more time together- The older man said.

-Yeah. Me and my dad too. At least, all the time he can get- Josh looked down for a minute.

Josh's relationship with his father had been always complex it seemed, but for the boy to move on away from the tragedy, they needed to explore more his connections with his still living relatives.

-We need to talk about those advances with your parents next time-

-Alright, Doctor- Josh said.

Dr. Hill stood next to the young man, smiling kindly as he patted him in the arm - We should also advance on what you said today too. It was very interesting-.

-On what I said, or what i did? - Josh inquiring eyes sat on Hill's face, making him blush. That "slip" had to remain away as possible from this office and not be discussed ever again. He had to establish the boundaries again if he wanted to continue with his treatment.

\- What you said. About games and all that. We need to talk about the repercussions of your idea on the rest of the world- Dr. Hill remarked.

-Oh. Okay- Josh sighed looking disappointed. He lowered his gaze towards the floor again, making Dr. Hill upset with himself.

He then gently cupped Josh's face with his hand, raising his gaze to meet his eyes.

\- Josh. You have to remember what i told you, okay? Never feel lonely. You fear will never get you if you remember my voice. I'll alway be with you. If not, you could end up feeling isolated. If not my voice, someone else's….anyone who you think might be of good company-

-Yeah, I will- He nodded - I promise, Doctor-.

-You can call me Alan if you want, Josh. I don't mind- The man said, trying to sound amicable and close.

The young man nodded - Yes, sure. Alan, sure - He pretended to smile to the older man, which was answered with a pat in the back.

\- Good-.

As they both left the office, the doctor kept advising Josh about what to do in case of emergency-And if you can't shake that feeling of isolation down, You have my number right there in your cell phone, so we can talk. I'm always free-.

-I know. I appreciate it- Josh smiled again, this times more honestly.

Then they stood a minute before parting ways. The reunion was set in the top floor of the Institute, while Josh had to head back down, to the street. As Alan look at the boy's eyes for the last time that day, he tried to seem that everything that happened in the session had been a strange dream, that boy and him had not crossed any lines and that the warmth of his young body was still a foreign concept for his touch.

-Later Josh- Dr. Hill bowed a bit -See you next wednesday at eleven as always-

\- Goodbye doctor. See you next week- Josh said raising his hand, grinning silly.

The doctor smiled back, trying to keep his normal composure in front of the people in the hallway, but still with the taste of the boy's mouth was lingering under his tongue.

 _Jesus Christ, what have i done,_ he thought as he walked away.

 _I'm never regaining control again._

The end.


End file.
